On Stalin’s birthday, the custom was that Stalin would meet with honor students and ask them questions. Maria meets with Stalin, she is a senior in high school. “Who is your mother?” he asked. “Russia,” she said. He then asked, “Who is your father?” “Stalin” she said. “What do you want to be?” he asked. “A doctor” said Maria. She was sent to one of the best medical schools.
Second student, Vladimir greets Stalin. Stalin asks the same two questions, and Vladimir answers, “My mother is Russia and my father is Stalin.” “What do you want to be?” asked Stalin. “An engineer” replied Vladimir. So he was sent to the best engineering school.
Then Boris meets with Stalin who asks him the same two questions. Boris answers, “My mother is Russia and my father is Stalin.” “What would you like to be?” asks Stalin. “An orphan” replies Boris.
People always make Juliet out to be dumb in Romeo and Juliet, but I think she at least had some sense where Romeo didn't have much of any
- Romeo: I was thinking about this chick earlier who I said I was in love with but now I love that girl over there that is very likely to either belong to my family's enemy or be close with my family's enemy as it is their party I am crashing
- Juliet: I do not like being so young and forced into a relationship with an older man, but oh there's a cute guy more my age over there. And since he's here he must have been invited and is there for a reasonable love match for myself
- Romeo: We should kiss right now at this party
- Juliet: No that is a super dumb idea
- Romeo: *kisses her anyway*
- Juliet: That was dumb of you
- Romeo: We should get married right now
- Juliet: We don't know each other. Shouldn't we wait until at least a little time has passed?
- Romeo: Like tomorrow?
- Juliet: Sure, fine.
- Juliet: We're married now, so we have to try and make things better between our families.
- Romeo: Right.
- Romeo: It seems I have killed your cousin and am now exiled.
- Juliet: Ok so since Romeo fucked up I'm gonna fix this shit by taking a harmless sleeping liquid. He'll come and get me and we can go away together.
- Romeo: *immediately kills himself*
- Juliet: For fucks sake.
Sarah Silverman Sends A Powerful Message About The Wage Gap
Sarah Silverman wants everyone to know the wage gap is not OK, and she’s not afraid to get all Sarah Silverman to do it.
May the example of Cuban’s march to Africa also be in the hearts and minds of other physicians in the world, especially those with more resources. There are enough doctors on the planet so that nobody has to die for lack of care.
—Fidel Castro, Cuba is sending more doctors to fight Ebola than any other country (via micdotcom)
conversation at work
- i work at a halloween haunted house park
- Guy who works in a haunted house: The best part about working in the haunted house is when girls go under the black-light.
- Me: Yeah? Why's that?
- Guy: If they're wearing a white bra, you can see it glow! Haha like why would you wear a white bra to this place?
- Me: uh
- Me: i dont get it
- Guy: you can see their bras. Its funny.
- Me: did you not know girls wear bras? Did you not know girl's have breasts?
- Some girl walking past: What? We have... Hold on *looks down shirt* WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT
- some other boy: HOLY SHIT what the FUCK is under your SHIRT?
- girl: I DONT KNOw? BREASTS APPARENTLY??
- other boy: *SCREAMING*
- girl: *SCREAMING*
- me: *SCREAMING*
- first boy: uh fine whatever fine i get it jesus christ